Hati Saya ♥
Open a new chapter of life ♥
♥Behind This Dimple Smiles♥
Ya ALLAH, You always give me one reasons to smile, when I have 1000 reasons to cry, I'm thankful for this life. Subhanaallah

10 February 2016

Dear Friends


Its been 8 months 30 days 3 hour 34 minutes i'm not post anything in this blog.Sound so biz biz busy huh? haha. I know no one care.No one would ever stalk my blog even 8 months have past.You just so over feeling teha haha

I don't know why this day 2th february 16 in this midninght i'm open my laptop just to type right know.Im just get feeling of it to share my life story about friend.

Have you found you best friend yet?
Yes? No? Don't know?

Well i'm practically say I'm not because I don't want to.I don't want to be so close until the impact bring me back.I lost a LOT of "basically" I call them best friend even I know her for so long.This prove that 'how many years' cannot measure how long you know her/him.ESPECIALLY when this comes to women.Why women? hahaha *please laught with me because it's 'hambar'

It all start with my first buddyz name it Dyan *not the real name*.But if you read Dyan,you know who you are . I know her for long time since standart 1.We are spectacles gang!.Its funny how weird 'spectacles gang' are because the participant is  just two of us.Seriously~ daa


But it's my mistake.
After many years..
I leave her alone without a single reasons even when she ask..Practically I even don't know how to describe why I choose to break our relationshipn as best friend.What I know at that time , I'm just to over thinging until I made a desicision.Maybe because your pretty.You smart.Maybe I think I don't deserve to friend with you.I know ,that was very unmatured desicion I have made.Until now I regret what I've done Dyan i'm feel so sorry make you meet the person like me.

But don't worry Dyan .Allah already gave me lesson.Until now I'm don't have any friends to replace you.Averytime I think 'he/she' is my bestfriend.Suddenly,the 'karma' slap my face over and over and over and over again.*Maybe that 'over' word is too 'hyperbola but this is truth* I call it 'karma' because I think 'karma' is the best word to describe about it.I'm not actually believe in 'karma' because Islam taught me its 'sunnah'.

If you do/be good and you will be rewarded with good too.Vice versa.

So yeah I'm get what I'm deserve.That's why I'm afraid to getting so close to people and start getting rid those people who start close to me.Just to make sure my heart 'save' from another slap.Even now I'm still having this biggest fear call ..

"best friend'

Zu' *not real name*.. she was the person who I'm feeling very comfortable with start from standart 6.But because our class is start separated in secondary school and she start to know other friends.I don't know why I'm start getting jelous or what but I'm just feeling that.It's my fault for feeling like that? I'm feeling that because I start putting her name on my best friend list right? After many month pass by I'm getting far from her.I'm start to aggravate people around her.I'm feeling bad.I know this is because I'm done this to Dyan and finally start letting her go with her new best friend.I take this as 'slap'.

Aly *not real name* is the person I stating to know after Zu'.She make me believe maybe I still have my chance to have BFF huh.So I started to know her,get to know her family.All start with good until I started to know 'love'.Practically I call 'love' as 'my biggest mistake'..Skip about 'love story' and I JUST feel she start getting away from me.I think she doesn't like I'm start in love with him.But we still together as best friend.But actually I'm not sure either she fill I'm her best friend. :(
After she became pengawas.I'm not longer rest with her during rest time.And slowly this thing became far.Actually she more smarter that me and our class alsoo start seperating.And guest what,she became closer to Zu' .Then they became best friend.I take this as another 'slap'.

Meanwhile,I start friend with Aan.Actually , I'm close to her just to show Aly that I also have best friend.Like her.She nice and honest girl I ever meet.But after graduate from school.We never contact each other anymore.Why I don't contact her? Because I have my ego that always said..

 If they remember you,they will find you.

Stupid ego right? But this 'stupid' thing still have in my mind.

That's why I'm typing right know..Because of this stupid ego and Liy.I know she is nice friend.I put her on frienemies zone since in school.She is the one who contact me after graduate from school.She ask me to join her do parttime job together.I own her so much.At that time I think she is the one who really eligible to be my best friend.And yes that truth.She is the one.


The sky not always blue.She also have another friend who consider her as best friend too.It's not suprising because she very confort person.But AGAIN I start getting jelous maybe.huh..This 'jelous' is very killing me! And start from there I know I don't deserve to friend with anybody.Before I get to far.I started to getting away from her.Time also help because me because she get offer to futher her study.At that time I still waiting my date to futher my study as degree student.So she go first  and we getting far away.

We still in contact but slowly this stuff is getting much anoyy.She start post her beautiful day with her new best friend in there.So yeah I'm getting anoy.I'm started feeling that 'stupid' feeling again and started broke all media connection between us with reasons I don't want to look at it.If you ask me why..I already wrote the reasons here Liy.I'm sorry.That 'stupid' feeling always kill my friend one by one .

That today I know that 'studip' feeling is syaitan.Syaitan make my heart darker and dirty.Make me blind of what I have done.I know I can't bring back our friendship.But InsyaAllah your name will always be in my doa everyday.I don't ask for bring our frienship back to normal like we do bur I just ask for forgiveness.Please forgive me.